The doctor’s words echo in my head.
“The results of the MRI confirm you have multiple sclerosis.”
“The results of the MRI confirm you have multiple sclerosis.”
She continued to speak. I remember watching her mouth move, but I didn’t hear a word she said.
I knew it was of importance because of the empathy in her eyes. But it didn’t matter because I wasn’t listening. I was too busy combing my brain to recall the name of someone I knew with multiple sclerosis. Then maybe I would have an idea of what MS looked like. Faces of people flashed past my eyes, and when the slideshow stopped, I was back to where I had started. I felt like a bird flying into a windowpane — dazed and confused.
Maybe I should start paying attention and listening to what my doctor was saying.
“I know you weren’t expecting this news, and I am sorry. Why don’t you come and see me again in a couple of days? By then, I will have more information and put together a plan to get you the highest quality care possible.”
I nodded, walked out of her office and shut the door behind me. My breathing was shallow — my body was limp — my heart was breaking. The doctor’s words echoed again in my head: The results from the MRI confirm you have multiple sclerosis. I moved like a ghost through the main doors of the clinic, invisible and without emotion.
Tears were streaming down my face when I got to my car, not because I was upset or scared. I was crying because I felt overwhelmed, uncomfortable, and worried. I’d just learned I had an autoimmune disease. Oh my god. I have an autoimmune disease. What the heck is an autoimmune disease? Questions I didn’t know the answers to swarmed my brain. How could this be? I thought I knew everything. Well, Patti, apparently not!
The tears stopped when I reached my empty, cold, dark apartment. Despite having a throbbing headache, I turned on the computer and typed multiple sclerosis into the search bar. I clicked on the first website, Multiple Sclerosis: What you need to know. I realized my life as I knew it was...poof...gone...and never to return.
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